Yesterday, I visited my ill mother. She lives in Soesterberg, in the house of her parents, my grandparents. I brought her handmade choclates from the city of Groningen. After ringing the doorbell five or six times, she opened the front door. Delighted.
Coffee. Let 's have some coffee. Where is the filter? I go look in the cellar. My mom mumbles. Thirty minutes later. Coffee, anyone?
I go upstairs. All the way up to the attic. A huge attic. Where my mom and her older sisters and brother swayed during wintertimes. Before the War.1939 vielleicht. She was three years old. They had to move out, later, for some years. Ordered by men with guns and loud voices.
Everything is peaceful when I pull the cord to get acces. A dark triangular deep space. As far as my eyes can see. What am I looking for. Txts. Some txts I produces years and years ago. Research, poetry, written stories I made up. I had to. Doing my time on the gymnasium. City of Zeist, hidden in the woods. Armando used to paint. So emotional. Did he or did he not kill a man. Did he see it. Hear it. Smell it. He still paints. He can't stop. Like me, this summer. I couldn't stop touching. The soft screen on my lap. In front of me. I hardly touched my son. He made me remember to do it to him. Smart son. Accessible mother.
On my way up I saw a red and white striped cover, bulking, yellowbraun newspapercutouts fringing. What the fuck! It looks like a complete organised personal medical encyclopedia. I thought these days were over. Well, you are guessing already. I am going to share this with you. No doubt.
Z.
Zelfdoding
Zenuwen
Zonnebrand
Zeeziekte
Zwakzinnigheid
Zelfinseminatie
Coffee. Let 's have some coffee. Where is the filter? I go look in the cellar. My mom mumbles. Thirty minutes later. Coffee, anyone?
I go upstairs. All the way up to the attic. A huge attic. Where my mom and her older sisters and brother swayed during wintertimes. Before the War.1939 vielleicht. She was three years old. They had to move out, later, for some years. Ordered by men with guns and loud voices.
Everything is peaceful when I pull the cord to get acces. A dark triangular deep space. As far as my eyes can see. What am I looking for. Txts. Some txts I produces years and years ago. Research, poetry, written stories I made up. I had to. Doing my time on the gymnasium. City of Zeist, hidden in the woods. Armando used to paint. So emotional. Did he or did he not kill a man. Did he see it. Hear it. Smell it. He still paints. He can't stop. Like me, this summer. I couldn't stop touching. The soft screen on my lap. In front of me. I hardly touched my son. He made me remember to do it to him. Smart son. Accessible mother.
On my way up I saw a red and white striped cover, bulking, yellowbraun newspapercutouts fringing. What the fuck! It looks like a complete organised personal medical encyclopedia. I thought these days were over. Well, you are guessing already. I am going to share this with you. No doubt.
Z.
Zelfdoding
Zenuwen
Zonnebrand
Zeeziekte
Zwakzinnigheid
Zelfinseminatie
